you just might make me believe


what's your mode of transport?
mine is the sun.
when it rises dripping from
the sea when it falls like honey on
the trees when it swallows up
clouds my soul moves with it.

mine is you.
when you lift your eyes
when you look straight ahead
when you try to speak my
heart moves with you.



the art of killing time
2:34:00 PM
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
bop to the top
ok. so i'm killing time- again- before council meeting at 3pm.

the decisions that i've made so far in the last year and the recent months have brought about mixed reactions and outcomes. there are some decisions which i'ld never ever regret despite the consequences (going for jamboree instead of going for J1 orientation. truly enjoyed myself at jamb. the cost? having little or no sense of connection or familiarity with the rest of the councillors when i came back from Thailand, because i wasn't with them to experience this major event.); and of course there are some decisions which i wished that i hadn't done/decided that i'm starting to regret now. and i know there's no use in regretting since i'm already more than halfway through. and it's this knowledge that it's too late to change things that frustrates me and saddens me the most. these decisions i knew that i didn't have to do, that it won't give any additional benefit to myself or develop me as a person. but. it's my own fault i guess, for being swayed by this imaginary ideal that i somehow needed to chase. instead of choosing something which i wanted and felt good about, that something chose me. my appearing distant and personally uninvolved is my own doing and the price that i'ld have to pay.

have to learn to live and let live i guess. so many things that i WANT to do but just can't cos of my decisions that i made without thinking, or while building some majestic castle in the air. so maybe she's right. maybe i do have this weird need to be in control and to be involved and to feel 'needed'. my trait and my downfall.

++

so i think the stuff we do is just pointless and crap, and the people are really just projecting a super false image of themselves, wanting to be well-liked and be seen as "fun". not any different frm me. i'm just as bad, pretending to be someone that i'm not. sigh.

++

scouting just gives me something to look forward to and that i can be happy just thinking about it. cheers/yasaka to Lord Baden-Powell.

happie Scouts' Founder's Day/ Guides' Thinking Day. (:

honesty is the best policy