you just might make me believe


what's your mode of transport?
mine is the sun.
when it rises dripping from
the sea when it falls like honey on
the trees when it swallows up
clouds my soul moves with it.

mine is you.
when you lift your eyes
when you look straight ahead
when you try to speak my
heart moves with you.



the things i do..
11:07:00 PM
Saturday, April 08, 2006
bop to the top
woah. just finished a 14km trek from macritchie reservoir to bukit timah today to check out the routes suitable for council camp.. so shiok.. ahahh. anyway, the tree top trail was pretty nice. quite scenic. but too bad it was so short. and there were seriously A LOT of steps to climb. oh well, at least i got some exercise so no big loss. xD

right, moving on. here are some updates from this week..

- found out that sylvia's personality's the same as mine.. ahahh.. so cool to know that someone else is like you.. to find out more about our type, go to sylvia's post at

http://koiyake.blog19.fc2.com/blog-entry-335.html#more

or take the test yourself at

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp


- donated blood yesterday! yay!

- my cat pee-ed on my bed today. roar.

-and i found out that i've got council on 15 april which is the day of the Pre-Jamb meeting!! arghh.. have absolutely no idea if i'ld be able to make it for the meeting because it'll depend on what time council will end which will probably be pretty late.
and i so wanted to go and see my patrol pple, the troop and especially the ppg gang again!

sigh.
life can really be so unfair sometimes.

- voted by the council to be the DM (discipline mistress) for council camp.. ohohohh.. the elects so have no idea of what's in store for them..

but honestly speaking, although being the DM means that you have to be the 'bad person' throughout the whole camp, i don't really feel that way. actually, i know i'm supposed to feel honoured and stuff (like CZ, also DM), but i feel kinda detached about the whole thing. maybe it's cos i haven't fully immersed myself in my responsibilities just yet. perhaps i'ld feel more enthu once precamp 1 starts.

hoping, wishing, praying.

-i'm close to the bottom 50% of the cohort.. not exactly the bottom, but close. bah. have to buck up..

- will be mugging in the library a few hours after school from now on.. my house has too many distractions: the comp, the tv, the bed, my sister.. ahahh.. but seriously, i'm trying to be more focused. too many assignments that i haven't done. too many lectures and tutorials that i need to catch up on. quite dead. not to mention feelin' guilty cos i expected better of myself & knowing that the teachers expected better of me.

-seriously considering of pulling out of PSA. been talking to my dad about it and he reminded me that i had earlier made a deal with him that i'ld stop all activities after june and concentrate totally on a'levels. and at the rate my results are going, i won't be able to go far so i'ld have to drop it anyway.. not to mention the fact that my desire of wanting it is actually waning as the day goes by. damn. i would have enjoyed doing the project, whether if it's for PSA or not.

i'm actually happy enough with getting just VSS. my aim's not high i know, but i think i've got to be more realistic on this and not to just chase some girlish desire to tell people that yearh, i've been there, i've done that.

so.

i've been contemplating it for so damn long that's it's not that simple anymore cos i've registered and got my project. the amount of people who'ld probably be disappointed in me is just too much to bear. i just can't deal with the thought that they'ld see me in a different way after this. maybe i'm just afraid of pple thinking that i'm shirking my responsibilities, that i'm weak cos i can't follow through what i've started. or maybe i've got cold feet and am fickle-minded about things.

but whatever it is, it's been plaguing my mind for the past few months. and i've had enough.

i think, in the beginning, the decision was pretty easy to make cos i only had a fair idea of what i was getting into and my work wasn't piling up as much now. it's simple when you think in terms of priority-wise after june- 1. studies, 2. PSA. but to juggle between the two is just so daunting when i know now that the last few months to the exams are crucial. my ignorance, my naivity and my skyhigh ambitions- all my traits. and my downfall.

perhaps i should be just like how i treat the nominees who were going through the council interviews.. when in doubt for a super long time, just let them go. it's better for me, it's better for us, it's better for them.

honesty is the best policy