it just occured to me that my blog turned FOUR YEARS OLD two days ago. it followed my writing er phases- from happy-go-lucky sMaLl CaPs BiG CaPS phase (see Dec 2003 archives. actually. no. DON'T see the archives. your eng wld be influenced by my bad eng. oh crap. too late.) to the now slightly more cynical jaded cryptic but enlightening (i hope) entries. each blogskin that i've collected over the years (omg. i could actually use that word. years. YEARS!) reflected my moods which understandably swing, oooh yeah. oi. partly due to PMS. it has, most of the time anyway, recorded my random thoughts for random anybodys who cared to spare a moment to read the random thoughts of a random young girl in a random small city. and to those people, and to you, you, you fabulous yous reading this, thank you THANKYOU for caring. while i write in this blog for myself, sharing it with people makes the feelings and things i've revealed more real and substantial somehow.

but. i CANNOT share EVERYTHING.

surprisingly enough, i've kept my own diary- yes, yes the almost-extinct-write-down-with-a-pen-PEN diary- for even longer. 10 years in fact. it's ideal. away from prying relatives and cca leaders whose opinion of me ohnonono will never change no matter what i do. definitelyDEFINITELY not those punctuating moments i'ld share with just about anyone. nice to have something that you can read through and reflect and laugh and cry over. i've got a sneaking feeling that my sister has read through it but i don't think she understands everything though. ahhm. i'm the complicated one apparently. -snorts.



i keep catching myself talking to myself today. for instance: "oh this green tea *takes sip* is sedap la. drink more drink more. supposed to be healthy or something. oh but what's this? *dramatically* duhduhduhDUUUMM. SUCROSE. cannot drink too much. haven't been exercising. *pinches thighs* ow. crap. aiyah. but it's nice! and it's the holidays! no no must have discipline. *sips some more* ooh. veronica mars' on tv! *hums that hauntingHAUNTING tune from Pan's Labyrith (ooh. good but slightly disturbing movie. caught me offguard during some scenes. but overall good). starts thinking about one of the stories from Interpreter of Maladies (Pulitzer Prize winning book. pretty good. probably would have been awesome if i actually had more time to analyse the writing.)* kaka's on tv. KAKA'S ON TV! he is like so H-O-omg. i'm talking to myself again. man i am so weird. ok. shhh. shhhhh. ah man. i give uppo."

i think i kinda scared my mother. maybe i'm finally growing insane.
how nice.




(Pics by *FreakingMuse & ~Hidden-target. what will i do without deviantart i don't know.)