you just might make me believe

what's your mode of transport?
mine is the sun.
when it rises dripping from
the sea when it falls like honey on
the trees when it swallows up
clouds my soul moves with it.

mine is you.
when you lift your eyes
when you look straight ahead
when you try to speak my
heart moves with you.

mom's the word.
7:07:00 PM
Saturday, June 14, 2008
bop to the top
i'm trying not to jinx it so i'm mentioning it as little as possible.

it's weird that ever since i got the tickets, i keep seeing stuff related it. for instance, i just watched this aircrash disaster episode on Discovery Channel where a British Airways crew managed to avoid certain death after unknowingly flying through a cloud of dangerous volcanic smoke after a volcano off the coast of Java erupted. and then my mom just saw a news that there were flash floods in the place that we're gonna be visiting. is it a sign of things to come?

i need to pray more.

i never really realised how much of a scaredy cat i am. like i have this really horrible almost paralysing fear of vampires. it was cos i had this terrifying dream once that i was looking outside my bedroom window at night and i saw a figure scurrying at superhuman speed up the hdb block opposite mine and climbing into an open window like twelve stories up. i clearly saw fangs. as much as it was dream, it really freaked me out because it was so vivid. and i refuse to watch horror movies unless i have someone (preferably someone who doesn't mind having his hand clawed by my what little nails i have digging into his) whom i can scream my guts out with. and that's only SOME of my fears.

i was watching House the other day, (yes, that funny medical series which is something like grey's anatomy but with an incredibly sarcastic and cynical man with a limp and a post mid-life crisis in the starring role) and there was this intern who said that it was easier to die than to watch someone else dying. and it's true i think. when you die, most of the time you realise this with certainty and mostly embrace it. but you're never ready when you realise that someone you love is dying.

i've never really actually looked at my mom properly, you know? like you think you know someone since you see them everyday and when you suddenly notice something that had been silently changing a person, it shocks you. and yesterday, my mom was just talking to me and i suddenly noticed her lines and fine thinning hair and just how old she looked in the fading sunlight. and i was scared. i was scared because i thought my mom looked really young for her age but there she was growing old and fragile before my eyes and i felt like the worst daughter in the world for barely noticing. and then i became a weeping mess when i realised how it would feel to lose her. it's just a really scary thought knowing that it would definitely happen and when it would, could i bear it?


honesty is the best policy