i hate group projects. the dynamics of one of my groups is at best sluggish. like we're tip-toeing around each other which is horribly annoying and nothing really gets done,or if they do, it's in a roundabout manner. i'm cursed. CURSED. i REFUSED to be the leader because not only am i a deviant idiot, i'm also appalled by the fact that i may need to rah-rah these individuals. i think the only group that worked so far was the one in my 2nd sem when we had a super tight deadline, with clear ideas about what we want & need to do in the project and everyone did their part. and i know i'm bragging, but it worked! we got the highest proj score overall.
but the problem here is that not all of us follow the same channel of thinking. which is a challenge. i can't believe some of them are second years la. i know i have to deal with this the best i can later on in the working world & it's good practice but there's a reason why i'm not in the projects faculty.


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and i feel that i have my guard up all the time. like i pretend to be interested in what they're saying but my eyes involuntarily dart around looking for an escape. and always always, i would somehow turn the conversation to revolve around me me me i i i. it's like i'm turning into someone i fear the most. even now. i feel like i'm trying to gain some sympathy when i don't need it at all!

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so far i'm enjoying most of my mods. though the readings leave me exasperated. it's too sloww going. sigh. i'm still learning to speed read but it's hard reading stacks of articles by different writers with different styles.
and i'm already behind by two weeks.


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i have a theory that things at the bottom can only get better.