when i was younger, there were 2 things i truly cherished. one was the casette tape of the music of Aladdin, complete with the orchestral pieces & crystal clear voices of Lea Salonga & Robin Williams, which i made my dad buy after watching the disney animation. with the casette, i didn't need to watch the movie cos i could picture the scenes in my head if i carefully listened to the music with my eyes closed.

probably why i don't find band concerts boring.

the second thing, or things, were these video tapes (yeah. you saw that right. VIDEO TAPES- bricks that can give people massive concussions) which i'ld watch over and over and over again, everyday, before and after kindergarden. i was allowed 6 of my own. 4 were Disney's version of Cinderella ("Watch out for Lucifier!" "Uh Gus, Gus"), Beauty & the Beast ("Monseau Gaston, isn't he dreamy? Monseau Gaston, oh he's so cute"), Aladdin and The Lion King ("in the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonighttt..").

i also had a tape that had a collection of classic '80s mtv music videos that my dad recorded, which included people like Vanessa Williams ("Colours of the Wind"- me & my sis would mimic her graceful hand-with-scarf movements), Paula Abdul (she danced with this cartoon character of a coolass fox & had a nerdy Keanu Reeves in one of her videos), MC Hammer, plus that guy who sang "I feel in my fingers, i feel it in my toes" song.

and finally, the last one had all of Michael Jackson's classic music videos & one of his famous Live concerts. i remembered the first time i watched 'Smooth Criminal', i thought he was the most amazing guy alive cos there's this particular scene where he'ld lean impossibly lateral to the ground (i was a kid! i didn't believe in trick wires then) and get effortlessly back up again. 'Thriller' was one of the scariest things i've ever seen, especially the part where the zombies crawl out of their graves and kept dropping gooey parts of their bodies & that part when MJ turns into a werewolf. i tried not to watch 'Thriller' if i can help it 'cos it was spookay.

i kept watching the 'Remember The Time' music video just 'cos of the part where MJ would spin and vanish into gold dust which i thought was wayy cool. and that video (i can't remember the title now) where there were all these '80s stars like Whoopi Goldberg and the guys from Ghostbusters who were looking for MJ (who was directly above them) which was hilarious.

when the movie, Free Willy 2 came out(you know... the one about that handsome boy who was friends with an Orca, a giant killer whale, but had a brat of a little brother?) along came MJ's 'Childhood' music video which broke my heart 'cos i rmbed wanting to be a kid forever and ever but the video proved to me that i couldn't.

i especially loved 'Black & White' and the 'Earth Song'- i thought it was just woah that he had these scenes which were sensitive to the cultural uniqueness of various groups around the world, which no other musician ever really did before or since.

ok ok, so i lied about noticing the 'cultural uniqueness' thing (hello, i was only in k1/k2/p1, so i didn't know any better). but i guess it's ironic that those 5min songs subconciously taught me more about race relations and the environment than what years of social studies and Racial Harmony Days have mechanically tried to do for me. AND raise your hands if you laughed like crazy when Macaulay Culkin (frm Home Alone) tried to blast his dad to outer space with his crazy ass "are you nuts?" speakers in "Black & White".

all being said, i just can't believe that someone who's so much part of my childhood is gone. i took for granted that he's going to stick around for a long time, like Diana Ross and Paul McCartney, one of those legends who would pop up in the middle of a concert and blow people away. i know my children and grandchildren would miss out on living through & listening to one of the greatest musical performers ever which really is just heartbreakingly sad.


I'm searching for that wonder in my youth
Like pirates in adventurous dreams,
Of conquest and kings on the throne

People say I'm strange that way
'Cause I love such elementary things,
It's been my fate to compensate,
for the Childhood I've never known

Before you judge me, try hard to love me,
Look within your heart then ask,
Have you seen my Childhood?




May the rest of us have a fulfilling life like yours;
someone who really truly tried to make the world a better place in his own way.

Rest in peace.